Muff

Ok gentle people so I haven’t been writing poetry for very long, just this year in fact, I’ve got a shocking piece of news for you, but I don’t actually like poetry, I’ve never read it and never cared to, I don’t mean to hurt anyone’s feelings if they do or if they regard poetry in high esteem, but I have to be honest, and I think a huge number of people don’t care for it either, when they see you coming with your grubby piece of paper, all excited and all, about your new literary masterpiece, they set their jaw and grit their teeth and hang a smile on their face, inwardly they are calling you a rude name. 

“Well you say….so why the blamin’ eck are you inflicting all your stuff on us for?” well I can only give you the lamest of excuses and that is simply because I can, write poetry that is. It started when I was listening to Pam Ayres reciting “the fridge” and then I heard that Richard Digance telling that ludicrous story in poem about Paul the crab who lived in Poole harbour, only Paul thought it was Pearl harbour and he was terrified that the Japs were going to come and bomb them again like they did in 1941, it was so stupid that I nearly wet myself laughing. So that led to my own first little ditty, just a 5 liner “I am a frog”

My tiny webbed feet are frozen

this isn’t the life I’d have chosen

but I am a frog

an’ I live in a bog

so what’s the use of supposin’

 And I thought, that’s not bad and it so happened that a guy on Yahoo questions asked if anyone had any jokes and stuff he could use for a children’s party, so I whacked it in, and it got chosen best answer with 10 points, there you go, somebody else thought it was good, a poet is born. There followed 5 more froggies and the verses started to get longer.

Some of my poems are born from real life experiences, my most popular blog for hits is “Loves petals” which tells about a very unhappy and excruciatingly painful experience, “Rollerskate lovers” which I enjoyed the most writing relates a happy carefree time. Then there was Anne Franks diary entry, when I read her words, they kind of whirled around in my mind for days, like clothes in a tumble dryer.

So there you are, next time somebody comes to you with their piece of paper which they flick in preparation to read, remember, it’s not their fault, it’s like measles, they caught it from somebody, and if YOU don’t want to catch it you had better not breathe too deeply around them.